


To Change My Life

by Kai_2010



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 13:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5969445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai_2010/pseuds/Kai_2010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has a week from hell and decides it's time for a change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_"I plead to change my life just before I dream and wake to realize the change is inside me." -Unknown_

 

 

Tony wakes up and he immediately dreads the next day. His last work week was horrendous. Gibbs was writing evaluations, McGee was extra cranky, and Ziva would not stop threatening to kill him with several different office supplies. Tony had finally figured out why last night. All week he pretended that he was having dates and he flaunted them to Ziva and McGee. McGee just brushed it off and he probably didn't care about Tony's exploits. Ziva on the other hand was furious at Tony and every time she saw him she glared daggers at him.

Instead of going out on dates, Tony had spent the week helping his friends Matt and Dave out. Matt was one of his frat brothers who had just found out that he was HIV positive. None of the other brothers would support him, especially since he was gay. The news had hit Tony hard. Matt was his best friend, the person that he shared everything with. Tony knew that Matt and Dave had been using protection, but the protection failed and now they were dealing with a nightmare.

A few years after college, Tony got in contact with Matt again. When Matt learned of Tony's occupation as an NCIS agent, he told him that Dave was friends with a Special Agent Gibbs. Tony was flabbergasted. He could not believe that his boss was friends with his best friend's boyfriend. His head spun when he tried to think about it.

Over the last few years Gibbs, Dave, Matt, and Tony had bonded together. Tony bonded with his two friends more than he bonded with Gibbs though. He and Gibbs would sometimes share a beer or watch a game with the guys, but other than that, he didn't really discuss anything with Gibbs outside of work.

Tony laid in bed and contemplated on calling in, but he quickly got up and got dressed because he knew that if he did, all he would get done would be moping. Tony made and ate his breakfast barely giving himself enough time to taste it. He quickly locked up, gathered his gear and walked out to his car.

Traffic was extremely slow on the beltway. Tony lived in a suburb of Washington DC and on a usual morning it would take him 20 minutes to get to work. Tony sighed when time went by and by the time he made it to the parking garage, he was a half hour late.

Tony took the stairs two at a time and made it to the bullpen in record time. Gibbs looked up and glared at him. "You're a half hour late, what the hell took you so long to get here?"

Tony sighed and walked to his desk. "Traffic. I'll leave earlier next time, won't happen again." Tony heard a snicker from McGee and didn't acknowledge it. He looked at Ziva and saw her glare at him. Tony sighed and started to boot up his computer.

Tony started reading his email when he noticed one from Vance telling him that he would meet with him and SecNav at 0830. Tony sighed and closed the program and got up and looked at Gibbs. "Vance wants to see me, it shouldn't take very long since I'm already late for the meeting", he says before he makes his way to the stairs and to the door of the Director's office. Vance's secretary ushers him in through the door and Tony is greeted gruffly by Vance. "Late, DiNozzo, please sit down."

Jarvis looks Tony up and down before he begins to speak. "Agent DiNozzo, it has came to my attention that you do great undercover work. At another branch, there was an incident last week than involved a homosexual agent who was beat up and put in the hopsital. I have been informed that there are a lot of people in this agency who do not tolerate homosexual people. Did you hear about this, Agent DiNozzo and have you seen first hand the intolerance in this agency?"

Tony felt like a deer caught in the headlights. He wasn't sure where this meeting was going and he didn't like the feelings it gave him. "Yes, I heard about the attack. I have not witnessed any intolerance but I am friends with Agent Dornegut who is homosexual. The agents and staff seem to accept him fine."

Vance nods and Jarvis speaks up. "I want our agency to be surprised by someone's orientation. The Director and I have came up with a way to drop a bomb shell, so to speak. We want you to come out of the closet to your team and to other agents. I want to see how intolerant our agency really is. Since you would be least likely to be gay, we think that you would produce the greatest impact. Any questions?"

Tony feels like his head is going to explode. "Are you serious?"

Vance looks at Tony annoyed. "Yes, DiNozzo, we are serious. We want you to start today. You will publicly announce to the squad room that you are gay."

"What if I don't want to? What if this last week I have been trying to calm my friend down because he just tested positive for HIV and his lover is dying of AIDS? You want to do this, then you find yourself a real homosexual! I am never going undercover again! I lost too much of myself last time and I do not want to destroy my career over this one. I don't want to be your fucking guinea pig!"

Tony gets up and leaves Vance's office and goes back to his desk. He takes a few breaths and realizes that he could lose his job over what he just did. He looks over his documents in his computer and looks for his resume' and he finds it. He quickly looks it over and makes a few adjustments to it.

DiNozzo looks up when Vance and Jarvis enter the bullpen, each looking very upset. Vance walks over to Gibbs and says "Your hotshot over there just declined working undercover on a very important case!"

"That is not my problem, it was his choice. Since what happened with Jenny and La Grannoile, I have not forced him to do any undercover work. He's my best agent, I don't want him to do something that makes him feel uncomfortable."

"You are lucky he still has his job!" Vance and Jarvis walk back to the elevator and Gibbs looks over to his team. McGee and Ziva look very surprised.

McGee speaks up first. "You told off the Director and SecNav? Damn Tony!"

Tony just sits in his chair and gets back to work. He doesn't want to make this out to be anything more than it is. If this was yesterday, he would be talking crap about the Director, but he decided that he was going to handle things in a much more mature fashion this time around.

The day drags on slowly and Tony breaths out a sigh of relief when he sits down in his car. He starts the engine and thinks about what his plans are for the night. Tony makes his way back to his apartment to change before he drives over to Matt and Dave's place.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony gets home and he quickly gets dressed and ready to go. He walks out in the parking lot and he see's Ziva slouching against her Mini Cooper. "Hello, Tony." she smirks when she see's his Ohio State hoodie.

"Why did you follow me home, Zi?" he asks, not really wanting to talk to her.

"I wanted to tell you that I think that you need to stop flaunting your one night stands! It is disgusting and it is not something we should be hearing all of the damn time! And I….I need to tell you something. When you flaunt your dates and your sex, it hurts me inside, my heart nearly breaks every time."

Tony does not know what to say. He starts walking closer to the driver's side door and Ziva takes his arm and pulls him close. He looks at her with hurt in his eyes. He knows that he shouldn't have played Ziva and everyone else, but he didn't have much of a choice. People knew him as the over grown frat boy and he wanted to keep it that way. It was a part of his masks, the ones that he let break away when he was with his friends.

"What is it Tony?"

"I have been lying about the dates and the sex. I usually stay at home and watch movies or hang out with my friends Matt and David, who are gay. This week, I found out that Matt is HIV positive and I have been there for him. Dave is dying of AIDS, he's had it for several years, so this is a huge blow to us. They are my best friends and I might not have them much longer. I guess when I started at NCIS, I started dating around and people assumed I was a playboy, I kind of just went with it and I said those things to keep my reputation intact. I am so sorry Ziva, I took things way too far and I should not have."

"I should slap you! Why is your reputation so damn important? Why can you not just be a respectable man like McGee or Gibbs? Okay, maybe not Gibbs, but really? WHY TONY, WHY?" She looked at him with anger in her eyes. She did not know what was going through his head and she realized that she did not care.

Tony looks at her. "I'm so sorry, I should not have been so ignorant, I should not have cared about what people thought of me, but for some reason, I did. I want to change Ziva, so, so bad. For you Zi, for you. I have feelings for you and I am sorry I have broken your heart so many times. I want to take each piece of your heart and kiss it better and slowly put your heart together again and make you whole." Tony starts to cry because he cannot take the pressure that was building up in his chest anymore.

Ziva stands there shocked. She does not know if she should run or if she should hug Tony. She moves back a little. "Tony, I need to think about things for a while. I must go now." Ziva slowly walks to her car. She certainly has a lot to take in and she is confused about how she can go from wanting to punch someone and nearly hating them, to almost loving them and wanting to be with them. She lets out a sigh and gets in her car and drives back to her apartment.

Tony stands there for a while looking at the empty parking stall. He takes out his phone and calls Dave. "Hey, uh, I think I'm going to stay home tonight. Ziva and I had a talk and it didn't go very well." He talks to his friend for a while and then he hangs up the phone. He gathers his things and he checks the mail. His father sent him a letter, which was very unusual since Senior liked to drop in on Tony when ever he needed something. Tony sighs and he makes his way back to his apartment.

As soon as he got inside he fed his goldfish, Kate. "Hey Kate…been a bad day all around. I think Magnum and I are going to have some quality time." He lifts up the letter. "You wanna do the honors? You were always the strong one." Tony looks sad at her and he starts to open it. He sinks down onto his couch as he reads it. His heart nearly skips a beat. Senior was leaving him all of his mother's possessions and more stocks in several companies. Senior had always kept her things locked up in a private room upstairs. Tony had never got to see the room but he knew that it was a very large room indeed. Tony thinks about the possibilities of what was inside when he places a call to his father. "Hey Dad, I got your letter. Wow, I never thought this would happen. Why now?" Tony listens to his father finally tell him that he's broke and that he's selling all of the estate and starting over in a much more modest house. Tony says his thanks and his good byes and he hangs up. His next call is to Gibbs since Gibbs is the only person Tony knows who has a truck. They will have to make a trip up to New York on their next weekend off. He's sure that Gibbs wouldn't mind. Maybe Tony would give Gibbs a few things out of the collection. God knows that Tony didn't have enough room for it all. After a few rings Gibbs finally answers. Tony makes the conversation short and sweet and Gibbs agrees once he hears about coffee breaks and maybe a bottle of bourbon for him for his troubles. Tony smirks at that and he remembers back to the time he accidentally sent his boss a box of honey dust. He was thankful that Gibbs had not gotten upset with him about it. Tony figured that he owed Gibbs anyways.

Tony smiles a little and he quickly makes himself some supper. He eats it slower this time and he puts in his favorite episode of _Magnum_. About half way through the episode Tony falls asleep into a dreamless slumber. Unaware, Tony DiNozzo's life is about to change.

**Author's Note:**

> This story went through a lot of changes and I think it may change much more in the future. I really want to finish this and see where it goes but for now, here's my "shitty first draft". Originally published on FanFiction.net and will soon be removed.
> 
> My apologies to anyone who saw Chapter 3. I redid Chapters 1 and 2 a couple of years ago and I assumed 3 was ready to go. There was a massive plot hole and I'm sorry if it didn't make sense. I'm in the process of re-writing this.


End file.
